Sure To Disappoint

Yes, yes… I know everyone expects a story or a new religion.  But all you get today are two videos of my dog, Colonel Bella T. Lightning Bolt Esquire.

So suck it.

Beware the quince, for it is the way to damnation.

I know I promised to make an update about the hilarious goings-ons at Wizard Quest this past weekend, but I have a new story to tell about an interesting conversation I had at work today, and I really want to spread the word as quickly as possible.  Keep in mind this is all based on actual events.

For you see, my friends, the road to damnation has been divined to me. If you seek the path of retribution, please, by all means, read on.

Either I’m from Minnesota, or I’m a great liar.

So at work we have new blood at my desk.  His name is Steve.  I call him Matango, Fungus of Terror because I don’t like any rendition of the word Steve.  Anyways, we’re sitting there doing nothing (that’s our job) and I decide to make some small talk.  It went something like this:

Me: So where are you from?

Steve: LaPeer.

Me: Oh gross.

Steve: We have one of the oldest working courthouses in the United States.

Me: Neat.

Steve: Where are you from?

Me: Minnsota.

Steve: Oh really, where at?

Me: Uhhh… (first name I think of) Glenville.  It’s a real small town.

Steve: Oh, where’s the nearest big city?

Me: Oh… like….. over an hour north………………

Steve: Oh, that’s cool.

Me: I’m totally bullshitting you.

Steve: Oh ok.

Me: I wonder if there is a Glenville, Minnesota…

So I check google maps, and I find this out.

That’s fucking weird.

Please Please Please

Just click here.

Inside jokes are hilarious when only three people understand.

Another Strange Dream

I had another strange dream the other night. Apparently the Earth found itself in a bit of a predicament.  You see, a hostile alien race had decided that they wanted to destroy our portion of the universe.  In order to do so, they created a black hole.

Logically, if this were to ever happen, the world leaders would choose a highly skilled team of cosmonauts, send them into space with advanced technolgy and have them set up a base of operations from which to combat this threat on the Moon.

Conveniently enough, this team consisted of myself and all of my friends.

Also, we had super powers.

In a strange turn of events, they sent my friend Sunny up to the moon first in order to establish a working station.  If I recall her super power was to grow really really big.

Eventually, they sent the rest of us up there. To our suprise, however, the aliens had begun to invade our station before we even landed!  Sunny fending themoff with feats of blurry dream action.

Also, we can breathe in outer space now.

So we’re all fighting outside the base on the moon, doing sweet low-gravity manuevers and kicking ass in general. However, while we were preoccupied the aliens cranked up the power on their black hole!  We only had moments to stop it.  But what to do?  How can you think under such pressure?

But wait, I know what to do.  Logic dictates that the best way to extinguish a black hole is by forming balls of blue light in your hand and repeatedly firing them through space at it. Which also happened to be my power.

If you don’t understand maybe this illustration will help:

The is essentially everything that happened.